Lawyer Jokes

No one likes lawyers. Even lawyers don't like lawyers. So here are some great jokes to help you make fun of our most hated profession.

lawyer jokes
  • How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company for not making it sturdy enough.

  • Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down they're really nice people. (This one comes from the show Better Call Saul)

  • What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.

  • What do you call a lawyer who is honest and ethical? Poor.

  • law humor
  • What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more. (This is an oldie that has been making the rounds since at least 1992, during the old days of internet bulletin boards.)

  • What do you call a lawyer who is never lost a case? A liar.

  • How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just bill the hours spent arguing about who should do it.

  • Why did the lawyer become a chef? To cook up some legal solutions.

  • Why did the lawyer take up painting? To brush up on his legal skills.

  • I was going to tell you a lawyer joke, but I object.

  • Why did the lawyer wear two watches? So he could double his billable hours.