Funny Lawyer Stories

This is where we will have our collection of funny lawyer stories including stories of disorder in the courtroom, stupid questions in cross examination and outrageous legal behavior.

Story 1 - The Duck and the Grapes

One day, a lawyer was sitting in his office when a duck walked in. The duck waddled up to the lawyer's desk and said, "Excuse me, do you have any grapes?"

The lawyer was taken aback but decided to play along. He replied, "No, sorry, I don't have any grapes. This is a law office, not a grocery store."

The duck nodded understandingly and left the office. The next day, the duck returned and again asked the lawyer if he had any grapes. The lawyer, feeling a bit frustrated, said, "I told you yesterday, I don't have any grapes! And even if I did, why would you keep asking me for them?"

The duck simply replied, "Just checking," and left the office once again.

The third day, the duck returned yet again and asked the lawyer if he had any grapes. This time, the lawyer had had enough. He stood up from his desk, pointed at the duck and said, "Look, I don't have any grapes! I'm a lawyer, not a grocer! And if you come back in here asking for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your little webbed feet to the floor!"

The duck looked up at the lawyer with wide eyes and said, "Do you have any nails?"

The lawyer, feeling exasperated, replied, "No, I don't have any nails. Why do you ask?"

And the duck said, "Well, in that case, do you have any grapes?"

The lawyer couldn't help but chuckle at the duck's persistence and sense of humor, and from that day on, he always had a bowl of grapes on his desk just in case the duck stopped by again.

Story 2 - The Lawyer and the Cow

One day, a lawyer was driving his car down a country road when he saw a group of cows standing in the middle of the road, blocking his way. He honked his horn, but the cows didn't budge. He got out of his car and tried to shoo them away, but they just stared back at him.

Finally, the frustrated lawyer turned to the nearest cow and said, "I don't have time for this. Do you know who I am? I'm a lawyer!"

To his surprise, the cow turned to him and said, "Well, I'm a cow. What's your point?"

The lawyer couldn't help but chuckle at the cow's response, and he realized that sometimes it's good to be reminded that even the most important people can't always get their way. He got back in his car and waited patiently for the cows to move, feeling a little more humble and grateful for the laughter

Story 3 = The Lawyer and the Bartender

A lawyer walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender, trying to make conversation, asked, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a lawyer," the man replied.

The bartender chuckled and said, "I'm sorry to hear that."

The lawyer smiled and said, "Don't worry, I'm not here to sue you."

Story 4 - The Lawyer, the Racoon, the Horse and the Skunk

One day, a lawyer, a raccoon, and a horse all walked into a bar. The bartender, surprised at the unusual group, asked them what they wanted to drink.

The lawyer replied, "I'll have a martini, shaken, not stirred."

The raccoon said, "I'll have a beer, but make sure it's not one of those trashy ones."

The horse said, "I'll have a water. I'm the designated driver."

The bartender served them their drinks, and the three of them sat down to enjoy their night out. The lawyer started bragging about his latest court case, but the raccoon and the horse weren't very interested.

Suddenly, the door burst open and in walked a skunk. The lawyer immediately started packing up his things to leave, but the horse and the raccoon convinced him to stay and have another drink.

As they were talking and laughing, the skunk walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. The bartender, not wanting to offend the skunk, served him a beer.

As the night went on, the raccoon got more and more drunk and started getting rowdy. The horse tried to calm him down, but the raccoon just started dancing on the bar.

The lawyer, not wanting to be associated with the drunken raccoon, quietly slipped out of the bar. The horse and the raccoon continued to party the night away, not caring about anything else in the world.

The next morning, the horse woke up with a headache and a new best friend. The raccoon, however, woke up in a dumpster with no memory of the night before.

And that's how a lawyer, a raccoon, a horse, and a skunk all walked into a bar and there is no punch line because the set up is funny by itself..

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